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week one ♡ friday♡ lief
[he's been wandering somewhat aimlessly, as if that could ever clear his head.
akira's dealt with a rapid succession of grief stages that never full come and go. he's sad, he's despairing, he's sick, he's furious.
he's completely fucking helpless.
akira realizes that every last bit of power he's come to wield is completely useless here. he couldn't protect haru at all. even when he was almost entirely sure she was going to be a target. he should have done more. he should have stayed in her room, he shouldn't have refused to go into his own hut—he should have done anything and everything to protect haru, and he didn't.
it gets to him.
when he gets tired of everyone checking on him and asking if he's okay (no matter how many times he asks, he brushes it off and tries to pretend he'll pick himself up), he disappears. mostly to clear his head, because nothing has given him a chance to, and he's never experienced this. nobody close to him has died, not... from his team. not people he knew stronger than that.
not so brutally, either.
even if he's the leader of the phantom thieve, he's still just a teenager who's been fed a shitty lot in life. this just proves it.
his disappearing act isn't far, though. it's dark, just a few paces into the jungle where he sits on the boulder he and haru chatted on when they first arrived. he takes his glasses off, placing them a bit carelessly to the side before he just... sits there. face buried in his hands. he's hurting—he's hurting and he's not one to show his emotions so readily to anyone, so he attempts to do this alone, but you know.
what's the fun in that for the rest of us, right?]
akira's dealt with a rapid succession of grief stages that never full come and go. he's sad, he's despairing, he's sick, he's furious.
he's completely fucking helpless.
akira realizes that every last bit of power he's come to wield is completely useless here. he couldn't protect haru at all. even when he was almost entirely sure she was going to be a target. he should have done more. he should have stayed in her room, he shouldn't have refused to go into his own hut—he should have done anything and everything to protect haru, and he didn't.
it gets to him.
when he gets tired of everyone checking on him and asking if he's okay (no matter how many times he asks, he brushes it off and tries to pretend he'll pick himself up), he disappears. mostly to clear his head, because nothing has given him a chance to, and he's never experienced this. nobody close to him has died, not... from his team. not people he knew stronger than that.
not so brutally, either.
even if he's the leader of the phantom thieve, he's still just a teenager who's been fed a shitty lot in life. this just proves it.
his disappearing act isn't far, though. it's dark, just a few paces into the jungle where he sits on the boulder he and haru chatted on when they first arrived. he takes his glasses off, placing them a bit carelessly to the side before he just... sits there. face buried in his hands. he's hurting—he's hurting and he's not one to show his emotions so readily to anyone, so he attempts to do this alone, but you know.
what's the fun in that for the rest of us, right?]
no subject
If he were in his position, he would be utterly sick of it.
Frankly, having found Akira like this, Lief doesn't know if he should even say anything at all, or if he should walk away. But—now that he's here, and if Akira has noticed him at all, he supposes it won't help to leave the words hanging in the air for later. He isn't even sure of what to say now, but in the end, he goes for it.
Softly, though not so quiet that Akira won't be able to hear it,]
If we find the one who did it, what do you wish for their fate to be?
[He doesn't ask because he thinks Akira will honestly have that choice, when the rules decree that the voted will be executed (and that's, of course, assuming they find out who did it at all). It's hard for him to explain why he did, really.]
no subject
he does think that lief has good intentions. perhaps better than most. and akira just isn't one to turn others away.
even if he wants to be alone, he still won't.
it's just not who he is as a person.]
...Pay for their crimes. Repent. [which is to say that he doesn't wish for that person's death, per se. he knows there won't be a choice, but even still.]
I've never wanted anyone to die, no matter how terrible the things they do are. [and more quietly:] A person's heart can be changed.
[those were the ideals that he and haru fought for together, after all.]
no subject
No one deserves to suffer in that manner.
So... in a way, he's glad for Akira's answer, even if it won't change anything.]
Indeed.
... The rules say we vote for an executioner. What would you prefer we do, in the event that that is relevant to you?
[If they catch Haru's murderer, that is.]
no subject
[that's not exactly what lief is asking, but akira is going to be completely thorough in his intentions.
he's quiet for a moment, though. he draws in a breath; it's clear he's been crying to himself a bit in those moments alone—but he's grateful for the dark to hide anything that lingers.
it's a moment to steel himself, to gather his resolve.] We vote for them. Not doing that would put an innocent person on the line, and I can't let someone die for a crime they didn't commit.
[wow, it's almost like he has a personal stake in this beyond just the fact that haru is dead at that person's hands.] We have to play by their rules, so we do it right.
[another long pause. what he's about to say is something that makes his stomach turn. he has to throw away his morals and what he's been fighting for to do this—but yet in some way, it feels right.]
Vote for me. As an executioner, you can vote for me. [but it's clear, he's not saying it from a place of vengeance. it's bitter, but not about the murderer.] Nobody else should have to bloody their hands for it.
And... I owe it to Haru. [not that she would want him to kill and break the phantom thieves' creed, but how can akira let someone else kill haru's murderer? he'll bloody his hands for the sake of everyone else, if that's what it takes.]
no subject
Very well.
[He won't insult Akira by asking if he's certain about this.]
... My word means little in this place, I understand, but I vow to do everything in my power tomorrow to help bring her justice. And—sooner or later—to end this farce so that we may bring her back.
I do not know what it means to die in this place, but the Chief said that he would decide what comes after. We must convince him to revive her.
[He pauses, and then:]
... I am sorry. I realize this may be a difficult subject. You do not have to respond, of course.
no subject
[he's not okay, but this is okay.]
It's something we need to talk about. We have to be ready for tomorrow—for everything that's to come. I'm not backing down or giving in.
[it's hard. it's impossibly hard because akira would have done anything to save her life, including give his own in the same gruesome way.
but it needs to be spoken about, and part of him appreciates that lief isn't walking on eggshells to not touch the hardest topics they have.]
If there's a way to save her, and anyone else, we'll find it.
[but also:] I want to bloody as few hands as possible. And I don't want to put executions into the hands of people that will enjoy taking a life.
no subject
... It's good to see Akira determined, if nothing else. It's why Lief brought this topic up to begin with—so that perhaps, he could channel his grief into this.]
I do not know anyone who has openly expressed joy in that, but we may see more clearly when the time comes. I, too, would rather not give them any opportunity to kill.
... At least it is our vote to decide. [A small blessing.] I would not like to think of whom the Chief would choose.
no subject
[among other things. it seems akira has let down some of his facade out of necessity. he's a little less unassuming, his gaze, even through reddened, puffy eyes is sharper—and far more noticeable without his glasses...
but it's also his choice of words. he speaks with knowledge and sense of authority that wasn't present before.
whoops?]
We'll let it be our vote. Those bastards need to make as few decisions as possible for everyone's sake.
[fuck hal and pal both, honestly.]
no subject
Indeed. On the other end, there are a few here whom I believe would be capable but also respectful.
[and yeah fuck hal and pal]
no subject
I think so too. I'm not sure that really makes it any better—but I do think that.
no subject
... We will see who, if any at all, volunteers—besides you. [...] And putting the execution aside, the trial itself may bring others' personalities to light.
no subject
truthfully, no matter what? he's going to vote himself as executioner anyway. there's no stopping this.]
I think you're right. We're going to see who jumps to conclusions, who is fair—and who refuses to accept facts.
[and then there will be akira, who is going to be a walking disaster and hit all those notes, probably.]