jokered | week three ♡ wednesday ♡ magilou

...I wasn't looking for you to deal with my feelings.

[that's all he says. quietly. simply.

this is much more on par for how akira is normally, back home. he doesn't talk about his feelings. what he's saying or thinking.

...maybe he needs to go back to that? being more open, however forced it's been because of the situation—it hasn't helped him a lick. it's not doing him favors, it's not helping anyone.

things that worked back home just don't here, and it's a wonder he hasn't completely called into question the idea that most of his bonds were people drawn to him specifically because they had a space to fill in his tarot. maybe he has, a little. april. how he felt back in april, angry and completely powerless, without a leg to stand on or a way to really handle things properly—

what a crushing feeling in his chest. it's so suffocating that akira lets out a quiet, humorless chuckle to himself.

a mess.]

Go ahead, shove me in.

[. . .]

Okay. Just remember, you asked for it.

[DEEP BREATH--]

[perhaps calling it "shoving" was a bit of a misnomer. because she doesn't just push him over like a domino tile. that'd be way too simple]

[she LAUNCHES HERSELF BODILY AT HIM, immediately latching onto the backs of his shoulders like a koala, and practically tackles him into the water instead. I mean. . . she's tiny and fairly light, so there's not a whole lot of force behind the blow, but she's putting as much muscle into this as she can!!]

[like a good Magilou!!]

[she may not be good at feelings, but she's super good at really over-the-top distractions]

Oof—!

[yeah, he wasn't expecting that, so it's not hard for him to go tumbling into the water, even though.

you know.

he's still gonna take her down with him, because that's how he is—but at least he'll bear the weight of the fall?

there's that.]

[tbf it's hard to tackle someone into the water and not go down with them, so. . .!]

[he takes the brunt of the fall, which leaves her sitting on top of him (back or stomach, depending on how he landed) when all is said and done. they're probably both soaked right now]

Great. Now look what you made me do.

[LIKE. THIS WAS ALL HIS IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE?? Magilou. . .]

[takes a handful of her own hair and starts wringing it out]

Edited 2017-08-25 19:17 (UTC)

[on his back, which probably ended up being a little safer. it's fine.]

I can't believe you're blaming me for that. [even if it is amusing, to once again have dragged her into being dripping wet. there has to be some plus side to this night, because...

honestly, akira did a couple of really shitty things that he probably shouldn't have, even if one of them was entirely unintentional.

he doesn't seem to be in a rush to move, in any case. even though now his clothes are totally soaked and he'll have to hang them out to dry. it's fine. maybe he did need to very literally cool his head, even if now he can hardly see anything because his glases are soaked.]

[. . . AKIRA WHAT DID YOU DO!!]

[she's quiet for a long moment, just. sort sitting there, one leg crossed over the other, as she squeezes water from her hair. the pause is much lengthier than what is strictly comfortable, so when he doesn't move. . . well]

Hey.

[ugh okay Magilou at least try? at least try]

Tell me about your feelings before I lose my nerve and advise you to just suck it up. [magilou no] I mean, it isn't like I care-- [that's a joke] -- or anything, but Velvet has already filled my quota of angrily brooding friends.

[he might have fucked up a couple of times.

either way, it's not like he could really move too far with their positions, he just. doesn't really care much if she sits on him?]

Talk about a change of heart.

[he laughs, a bit dry and humorless.] It's not even about my own feelings at this point, anyway.

[honestly speaking.]

Back home... I was everyone's pillar. They came to me with their problems, we worked on it, I helped them. Nobody asked too much about mine, and I didn't need them to, because I could deal with it.

[he's giving her a little backstory.]

Things here are just... changing me, and not in a way I like. [it's the circumstances.] I said and did things tonight I wouldn't have before when someone was struggling.

[he's just not sure how to recover from that, even though it's probably obvious that haru dying the way she did was always going to be a catalyst for him to... maybe not break, but to lose some of that ever burning cool that he held onto so tightly.]

And you didn't even have to steal it, imagine that!

[SHE JOKES. . . it's like she's incapable of being serious for too long. but for all her shitposting, she at least remains politely silent as he talks]

Being a pillar is a lot of work, you know.

[her tone isn't flippant, but it's still somewhat detached in that Magilou way where she's trying not to seem too invested in what she's saying. she even punctuates it by flicking drops of water at him]

It means people get upset when you break a little, because according to them, you're not supposed to. So you teach yourself not to show even the tiniest of chinks in your armor.

[I mean, she has no experience with being a pillar, but. with trying to hide cracks in her facade? yeah]

What'd you do, anyway?

[she's right, and akira knows it—of course he does. it's not like he's unaware that the fact he's so used to never showing a lot of his own feelings or struggles has made this tough on him.

there are people here who have seen sides to him that he never would have let his team see—and maybe that eats at him a bit too. he's managed to keep anyone from seeing him cry up to this point, but he's shown fear and despair in other ways, he's gotten far angrier than he would allow, and he's done well at being a little inconsiderate in his word choices more than once.

he scrunches his nose a bit when she flicks the water at him, but he seems...

reluctant to address what she say verbally.

maybe because he's already showing her way too many of the chinks in his armor and he's not entirely comfortable with it, either.]

I might have punched someone. And made someone else entirely cry.

[so you know.

literally the opposite of what he just told her he usually does. obviously, he doesn't feel great about it, either.]

[if she senses his discomfort, she doesn't show it. doesn't even address it, or the fact that she's well aware that this moment is one giant crack in his calm exterior. it's easier that way-- to not address that she's talking to him about this because she cares, and he's sharing it with her because there's some measure of. . . heck if she knows. trust? between them]

[foe some reason she still doesn't quite fathom, but whatever!!]

[also it isn't as though he hasn't seen her own cracks by now, even if they manifest in a totally and completely different way]

Did you manage to knock some sense into them? [MAGILOU. . .] The one you punched, not the one you made cry.

[IS NOW THE TIME FOR THIS]

[they've definitely opened up to each other a lot more than either of them is willing to admit right now; so many of akira's problems lie in the fact that he's just not happy with his own choices.

which isn't magilou's fault.

it's his own, for letting things get the better of him, and while no anger towards any of the people here would ever push him to kill, he knows that he's pretty taut right now, the strings fraying a bit without the support of his friends to keep him grounded.

and that's not a burden he's going to place on magilou either, he could never.]

I think they got the point.

[he says with a sigh, leaning back a bit to dip his head in the water and wet his hair a bit. kind of the opposite of magilou trying to squeeze her hair out, whoops.]

[hey hey, she has a bet to lose, here. don't go fraying and completely breaking on her yet!1]

In the grand scheme of things, a punch really isn't so bad. It isn't like you sold them out to your mutual enemies. [. . .] Twice.

[SECOND TIME WASN'T HER FAULT, THOUGH. but anyway! she moves on quickly]

If you really feel so bad about it, then are you going to try to make things right? Anger and guilt are a part of being human, but stewing on them too much is. . .

[a perfect breeding ground for malevolence]

[he nods.]

I think we all needed to cool off, first.

[at least, akira knows he needed to. he thinks one may be easier to reconcile than the other, but the more vicious of the situations was one where the other person knew why it happened and why he was mad.

they can work past it, even if akira's trust in that person is definitely fractured for more reasons than one.]

I won't leave it alone. I... don't think I could, that's not who I am.

[no matter how out of sorts he's been, there are certain aspects of his moral fiber just can't be touched.]

They're not people I want to make enemies of just because I got angry.

[reaches out]

[and flicks his nose]

And that's way more important than a couple of cracks in that shining armor of yours, Trickster.

[??? NO MODIFIER?? maybe she just forgot]

Don't beat yourself up for being human. We all are-- even a strong heart falters sometimes. [. . .] Even if you swung the blade of that anger in a way that might've harmed people you didn't wish to harm, at least you now have a better idea on how to temper yourself.

[but I mean]

[it's not like she cares or anything]

[he won't call her out on the trickster thing right now—honestly, he doesn't see a need to. not because he's happy she's acknowledging him as such, but just because it doesn't feel like the time to.

he's quiet for a long moment; it's weird being on the receiving end of that kind of advice. having someone tell him the things he needs to hear instead of it being the other way around. he's used to people expecting him to be endlessly strong and unflappable, that his heart never falters and he never loses sight of what's important.

but maybe it's not fair that akira has been holding himself to a higher standard than he's held others to. he doesn't expect anyone else to be infallible, and yet he's pretty frustrated with himself for the very same.

(he's not totally sure he's ready to face that yet, though. apparently, in some way, akira is just as closed off as magilou is.)]

...You better be careful, Magilou.

[funny, how they both seem to divert the topic when things hit a little too close to home.]

I might start thinking you actually care.

[yeah, don't think she didn't notice that diversion. but perhaps him facing himself, him coming to terms with his own weaknesses, isn't something she can help him with directly. it's sort of an intensely personal thing, anyway. . . and maybe? she kind of understands that for extremely personal reasons]

[so she'll go along with it]

Oh. Huh.

I guess this is the part where I push you into the volcano for knowing too much.

[IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU, AKIRA]

[it's probably funny enough; he's long since accepted his own flaws and the person he is—but maybe like his friends, who all awakened to stronger power after not just accepting their flaws, but working towards growing to be a better person. and though akira can't really awaken more power here and now—

it's sign he has more growing to do. and it's true, magilou can't really help him directly, though the way she's been has certainly been a strangely grounding force tonight. so he'll just do the thing and push some of his feelings aside for now. not all of them, but some of them.]

If you do that, I'm taking you with me just like I did in the water.

[that they're still in. together.

oops.]

[WHEN MAGILOU, OF ALL PEOPLE, IS YOUR GROUNDING FORCE. . .]

[also how has he not gotten uncomfortable with her sitting on him like this, geez. cuz she also isn't moving]

Hey! How stupid do you think I am? I've seen your wily ways; I wouldn't risk being dragged in after you.

I'd set up a trap instead.

[Magilou you're spilling all your secrets]

[all his other grounding forces were big stupid idiots that got hurt in the great maiming of 2017, okay. but also, really, akira is not entirely normal himself.

either way, he doesn't feel uncomfortable with her sitting on him. it's kind of the opposite?

he kind of likes it.]

I'm pretty good at disabling traps. Unless you turn me into a mouse, first.

[...this has happened to him, let him live his best life.]

[Akira's taste in women, ladies and gentlemen]

[her eyes glint dangerously]

He~y, what do you know! "Mouse" is in my witchy repertoire. I'll have to keep that in mind.

[KEKEKEKEKE]

[he likes 'em dangerous.]

...I didn't say I want to do that again. Being a mouse sucks, you can't open doors at all.

[....................]

Well, duh. Mice don't have hands.

That's why you go under the door instead!

[Akira you need "how to be a mouse" lessons]

...Don't you think I would have done that if I could? Ship doors are too secure. No crevices so it keeps water out.

[this is a conversation they're having.]

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1/2

2/3 actually. . .

i'm done....... i'm sorry...........

never be sorry, it's fine

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